rats.

I caught tram 112 to the hairdressers today. I expect a few weirdos to be on that tram, but they never normally sit near me, let alone speak to me.

A man my Dad's age got on with a big camera bag and sat opposite me. I didn't pay much attention to him 'til I saw two massive rats appear out of the bag. He saw me staring at them, so I felt like I should feign a smile and say something so that he didn't think I was rude.

-Do they have names?

The white rat was called Sid, and the black rat was his brother. Sid was sleepy, but his brother was jumping around like a loony. The whole time I was just hoping for the tram to hurry up and get to Johnson street before one of these rats jumped on my face and scratched out my eyeballs.

The man was actually really nice though, he told me how he took them with him everywhere, and had even introduced them to Molly Meldrum. He then began to talk to me about the fear of the unknown.

- Some people will walk around with dogs-rottweilers, and no one gets afraid, even though a dog can bite you to death. I should be able to take my pets out, just like they do, but when I walk around with my two rats, people avoid me and give me strange looks- but at least I always get a good seat on the tram!

It's kind of true isn't it. I was so afraid of him, and weirded out when he sat down near me, because he was lugging around two massive rats, but he was probably the nicest person I have ever met on a tram.

He even grabbed the rats arms to motion a wave goodbye to me at my stop.

seen better legs on a table.

So, It looks like the Old Bar is becoming our new haunt for the time being. I've been there more in the last month that I have is the past year and a half, but not enough so that my outfits haven't had to be repeated.

I was there Sunday, for the last night of Buried Horses residency. I missed most of Death Valley Band, but was able to catch the Orphanage. They were okay, I don't actually remember them because I was too busy being surprised and bitchy, but the songs I heard over the internet were pretty good.

Buried Horses were really good (my vocab. just isn't the same anymore- i need to start reading again!), and I wasn't hit by anything. My friend and I played our usual copycat game during their set, and I think we're good enough to do the moves without the live band backing now.

I think I have seen them so many times that soon they will be overtaking the live play count (a la iTunes) of Digger and the Pussycats. I'm stuck in a complete social inertia when it comes to liking things, but I guess this is keeping with the animal theme, so it's not too difficult to handle.

Another thing that has been incessantly happening is Johnny Cash covers. Bands are all over him, the last four times I have been out three bands have covered the man in black. Not that that's a bad thing.
Unlike some people I know.

cuddles beach- a good place to take your girlfriend (and stab her)

My Dad and I went and had a geezer at the Tote exhibition, and there was so many cool posters. I got Tote-stamped for the last time, and like I was actually at the hotel, I felt like I was about five in comparison to everyone else who was there.

Then I went and found my new boyfriend, Gareth Liddiard. He was playing at the Northcote Social Club, doing a run of special solo shows. I've loved the Drones for quite a while now, but things are never in my favour when I want to see them live.
There was a girl with a guitar, followed by Jacky Winter. I recognised a lot of his songs, and he did a really cool cover of a Mum Smokes song. I was kind of worried at this stage though, because I brought my Dad along for his birthday. He's a bit more into punk (I think) than all this guitary stuff, but I needn't have worried- Gareth Liddiard was so much more amazing than I ever would have imagined and I bow my head in shame for ever doubting him.
His banter between songs was hilarious, I never really thought he would be so funny, as all the interviews I have ever read of his seemed serious. He joked about Australian music icons, roughnecks and tightrope walkers who tightrope walked over Niagara Falls, the back over again, walking with boxes of their feet and cooking an omlette. Plus, he had the cutest laugh I have ever heard.

I'm definitely in love with him.

fuck 'er in the eye.

I saw all the extremities last night at the Old Bar. There was a guy who had the biggest feet I have ever seen. If only his shoes were painted red, he would be a great clown. On the other end of the scale, there was a man with the tiniest toes ever. There was also heaps heaps of torso's ranging on the hair-o-metre from gorilla to school-boy.

Buried Horses played first and were great, as per usual. I'm not overly keen on some of the new songs, but they're good to see and I was relieved not be hit with any tambourines. They tuned by playing bits of Pop Crimes, which was exciting/cool.

Teen Archer played next. I think I had the confused with the Twerps, so I wasn't really prepared for their sounds. Some of the songs were alright, but mostly I didn't like them. I spent most of my time in courtyard during this.

Assassination Collective were pretty cool. The drummer from the Stabs was in it, and he was so hairy (not as hair as Sam from Digger, though. He showed us- or the guy talking to me, Liam- his chest at one stage). There was also this girl who looked liked my year seven Geography teacher in the band. It was cute because she yelled when she sung.

Digger and the Pussycats were the same as they were last week, but I think the reason that I never really get sick of them is because of their amusing banter between songs. This time it mainly revolved around BJ's, and getting naked.

There was this drunken buffoon lady trying her hardest to get fifteen minutes of fame. She got up to sing at the end of the last song, instead of saying "oh yeah" she was shouting, "fuck 'er in the eye". It was funny at the start, then she just got annoying and kept speaking when the song had finished. The sound guy cut off the mike, but you could still hear her.

You sing like a cunt!

this song is for all the sluts out there.

Yah Yah's is really starting to frustrate me in how they state that their show will be free, then hit you with a charge at the door. I don't care about paying, but I'd like to know how much I need to save over the week to get my feet in the door

I went there to see Digger and the Pussycats for their album launch and a plethora of other bands/men that I love. Lucky I had twelve dollars in my pocket.

Precious Jules was Kim Salmon and another smaller, hairier man. Kim Salmon is shorter than expected, and aside from that and his overgrown hair-do he was LOVELY. I really think that I wish he was my husband, but the height difference (and i suppose the age difference ha) is just too much. Bad luck, Kim.

I had waited so, so, so long to see Legends of Motorsport live, and I think I was a tiny bit disappointed. All I wanted them to do was play Brunswick Ladies and they didn't do it. They were cute, nonetheless, and the singer still has the worst/best voice ever.

Digger and the Pussycats were their usual shit self, they played heaps of stuff from their new album but it seemed like a shorter that the usual short set. Andy said it was because they had been drinking for a million hours prior. They played the cunt and slut song, so I was happy.

My friend then touched a punk's mohawk, and went on search for the world greatest kebab. We met a man dressed as a lady on our journey and he took us to a drag queen party in Carlton in exchange for a cigarette, where we drank goon from clotheslines.

Don't tell my mum.

shit harry, i can't find my handbag.

Dad deposited seven dollars in my account under the guise of 'Lifestyle Funds: Harry Howard', so I was more than happy to live out his dreams and wishes on Saturday by heading out the Builders Arms to witness the Harry Howard Band's first performance.

Harry Howard manned the door at his own gig, and he spoke to me, "Hey you!", because I am stupid and forgot to get my arm stamped. He's very good looking. My friend and I then sat on a couch and spent the early days of the gig talking about Dave Graney and wondering if he could smell the Mt. Gambier on my friend (they both grew up there). We walked past him on a tram earlier in the week and he turned around (in his TRIPLE denim ensemble- jeans, denim jacket, denim hat), so I'm pretty sure he can.

Stu Thomas opened and he was really good, knocking over some Johnny Cash along side some of his own. The next bad was Bad Orchestra, they were really good for some songs and really shit for other songs. The songs where the girl sung where the worst- lucky she had nice legs because her singing sucked.

Harry Howard Band was really good! They had Dave Graney and Claire Moore on bass and drums, and Edwina Preston on synth and this cute little machine called a stylophone. I hope they play again so I can take my Dad.

Some more 'Lifestyle Funds' could be nice too.

d.i.y

Holy Fuck. I am so excited! Just quietly, this press release is the best.

"Some people think they’re a pretty fun band to watch (if you’re drunk or bored because you live at home with your parents) but most people agree that Digger & The Pussycats are far from the best band in Melbourne. To be frank, they’re quite shit. But they still try hard and have managed to somehow release their fourth studio album on Spooky Records. Titled DIY, it’s sure to go down in history as a flop. You’ll be able to find it in a bargain bin at JB-Hifi before Richmond win their first game of the 2010 season. But seriously, there’s nothing else good happening on Good Friday Eve and you don’t have to go to work for four days afterwards, so you might as well come down, have some drinks and watch Digger. Or you could just come down and check out the awesome support bands Legends Of Motorsport, Kim Salmon’s new band Precious Jules and the mighty YIS and try to get laid. If you play your cards right (or is that wrong?) you might even find yourselves going home with one of the Digger boys. Now that would definitely be an Easter to forget. "

golden plains, can't complains.

SATURDAY
I woke up at four and walked half an hour to Thornbury IN THE DARK only to drive straight past my house when we left my friend’s brother’s house. Lucky I was excited for Golden Plains…
One of the lovely girls at PBS gave me their Staff Pass, so we could overtake everyone in the entrance line to Golden Plains. Everyone in our convoy (me, my friends, my friend’s bother, my friend’s brother’s friends, my friend’s brother’s friend’s girlfriends) all miraculously ended up with a Staff Pass and got to drive up the right lane like the Queen, or something. There was an insane amount of people there, especially since we arrived at 8.20 and the gates only opened at 8.
We set up camp in Hidden Valley, before heading into a nanna nap to the sounds of the Dirty Three (presented by a boom box).The first band to play were Royal Headache. I think I enjoyed them better last time I saw them, possibly because I was drunker, closer and with more Royal Headache appreciative friends. They were still great though, I liked it when the singer said, “I think I’m gonna vom, ay” because it was completely reminiscent of Shepparton speak.

The next band we saw was Monotonix. I was looking forward to this ‘cos they were just meant to be gross. They played on top of the crowd which was pretty amazing, but all the showman ship really made them sound like shit. I liked them for a little while, and it was pretty funny.

My friend really wanted to see the Big Pink. I really think this could have been the shittest (not even in a good-shit way) band on the whole bill, just looking at them made me feel a bit sick. I stayed and listened because I am a good friend, and provided an off beat comment after to hide my bewilderment of how excruciatingly lame they were, “I liked the drummer hair!” (which was true- she did have a pretty cute hairdo). We came back to find that our friend had fallen asleep on our grapes, so we put rubbish in his shoes and had a bit of a giggle about it.

We stayed at the tent until just before Pavement. I think I’m a few years too young to have fallen into the oh-my-god-it’s-fucking-Pavement age group, but I knew a fair few of their songs from a child hood event where this family friend I thought was super cool stayed at our house and I asked what was playing on her walkman and she said, “Pavement- you wouldn’t know them!”, so of course I went and looked them up and learnt the words to Cut Your Hair.

We stayed for half of Dinosaur Jr. and then snuck off to bed. If anyone asks- we stayed for the whole set!

SUNDAY
The guys camping by us with coined the name ‘Super Wild Shit House Horses’ for the first band that was playing on Sunday. I’d never heard them previously, but I don’t really like girl bands, so we decided to wait in the coffee line for forty minutes instead of listening to them.

We moved on down to the Amphitheatre to see Jeffery Lewis and the Junkyard. I wasn’t going to come down for this because the band’s name sounded like they would have been playing folky shit. They didn’t, and they were pretty enjoyable! Jeffery Lewis did a rap about Mosquito’s which was really clever, and they also did a mash-up of Louie Louie and Cut Your Hair. This would have been among my favourite acts for the whole of Golden Plains.

Wooden Shjips were alright, I’d never listened to any of their music before, so got a little distracted when my friend and I spent the whole time making up a love story about this purple-dressed girl dancing in front of us. She kept kissing a boy that was shorter and chubbier than her, so we assumed that she was only doing so because he had a backstage pass. She loved dancing.

On the way back to the tent I saw Dan Sultan with his shirt off and I stared at him- so very good looking. I was planning on seeing Nashville Pussy, but we were too busy bonding with our camp site, listening to the Drones and catching Fruity Bites in our mouths.

Tame Impala attracted heaps of children. Like, actual children. It was really weird being at a festival that children were at. They were pretty cute hanging out on their parents shoulders, but they’d all push to the front because people would feel sorry for them for being too short. We talked to a boy call Zedd who was four, and he got his cute little face on the big screen, and couldn’t stop grinning with all of his four teeth.

I don’t know where I was for Calexico. The next thing I remember is listening to Tex Perkins and my mum texting me telling me to blow him kisses for her. The Cruel Sea weren’t too bad. I thought they’d be shit ‘cos I hate their CD’s, but I think I was just a bit out of it, and mesmerized by SEXY TEXY. I’m pretty sure it started pouring during Tex, and afterwards we were all singing ‘Fuck Forever’ in the rain. I didn’t think the rain was that heavy, but I saw some pictures later and it was. Whoops.

We went to bed two songs in of Midnight Juggernauts because we are weak. We found our new friend sitting on a chair, dead to the world, at the camp site so helped him to his car and I’m pretty sure I broke my back doing so. We fell into a pretty blissful sleep (seeming as though out tent was withstanding all that rain) until a someone jumped in the tent singing ‘the Ning Nang Nong’ really loudly.

MONDAY
We had packed up pretty early, but had to wait for our driver. I lost the tent bag, so Dad wasn't too impressed with the garbage bag replacement I had for him.

Seeming that I enjoyed the festival without even thinking about the rain shows how sweet Golden Plains was. I’m so amped for Meredith now. Seeing all four of the boys that I liked the most last year, at Golden Plains was pretty weird. A bit like two stabs in the face and a big, warm hug.

I’m not complaining though.

i've got a golden ticket

The lovely Sales manger at PBS gave me her Golden Plains ticket. Through a quick succession of e-mails we found out that we were both reppin' the Goulburn Valley in Melbourne, and our respective townships were all making the news for gross reasons (attempted abductions, gang murders, drug busts, et cetera, et cetera)- T.G I am fiiiinally back in Melbourne. Anyway, I AM GOING TO GOLDEN PLAINS!
I'm going with a few friends from home so it will be just like going to the SheppARTon Festival, except the bands won't suck and I won't be driven home by my parents at ten o' clock. I have my gumboots, waterproof jacket, and a ride there and back.

Now all I need is my hair to grow 30cm so I won't look like a homeless orphan once I get rained upon.

I should buy a rain hat.

bad kids.

Being devoid from everything musical that was not in the form of a record or CD lately, I was OTT excited about going to see Black Lips last night at the Corner.

It started out with cups of goon and ended in cups of sweat. I think my friend put it best when he said by the end of the night his shirt was like it had just come out of the washing machine (minus the nice washing powder smell).

The UV Race supported, but they weren't as good as they where last time which was dissapointing as I had talked them up alot to my friend and he bluntly told me that they were shit. But they weren't last time- I promise! I'd heard about The Twerps before but never took the time to listen- they were really good, but I think we forgot to see most of them because it was Sabrina's cigar time.

Black Lips were amazing. It was so hot and squashed up the front, but well worth it. It was so disgusting, but so, so good. I think I am a little bit in love with the guitarst, Ian St. Pe.

It would be weird if I didn't love one of them, right?